There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love dirty jokes and those who say they don’t, but they are not telling the truth. You don’t have to say sorry for finding adult dirty jokes funny. There is no shame in enjoying an R-rated joke or sharing it with friends. Many hilarious and well-crafted jokes are adult dirty ones. So, we present some of the funniest and dirtiest jokes we know.
Key Takeaways:
- Adult dirty jokes are perfect for those who enjoy risqué humor.
- These jokes are ideal for getting a good laugh.
- Sharing these jokes with friends will offer premium ribald fun.
- Don’t hide your love for naughty humor; laugh freely.
- Be ready for some of the funniest and dirtiest adult jokes ever.
Dirty Jokes Ladies Will Love
Searching for laugh-out-loud dirty jokes? You’re in the right place! Here are some rib-cracking jokes that will surely get the ladies giggling:
- What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? “I want you inside me.”
- “Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” Despite her screams, I held onto the umbrella.
- “I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time,” a husband challenges his wife. After a pause, she replies, “Your penis is bigger than your brother’s.”
- How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Task him to identify the era of a used tampon.
- A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband, and says, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.” The husband retorts, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”
- What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
- What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
- How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex stays the same, but you control the remote.
- “I’d rather go through childbirth pain again than have you drill in my mouth,” a woman tells her dentist. He counters, “Then decide, I need to adjust my chair.”
- What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist studies the family tree, while a gynecologist studies the family bush.
These dirty jokes will have you laughing until you cry. Share the fun with your pals and enjoy the good times!
Short Dirty Jokes
Want a quick laugh? Check out these short dirty jokes. They will make you chuckle for sure. Ready to have fun and lighten up? Let’s get started!
Joke 1: Perverted Frog
What does a perverted frog say? “Rubbit.”
Joke 2: After 69
What comes after 69? Mouthwash.
Joke 3: The Shortest Words
What are the three shortest words in the English language? “Is it in?”
Joke 4: Scaring a Gynecologist
How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist.
Joke 5: Pinocchio’s Lover
What does Pinocchio’s lover say to him? “Lie to me! Lie to me!”
Joke 6: Dear NASA
Dear NASA: Your mom thought I was big enough. From, Pluto
Joke 7: Full of Semen
What’s long and hard and full of semen? A submarine.
Joke 8: Making a Pool Table Laugh
How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.
Joke 9: Diarrhea Genes
Why is diarrhea hereditary? It runs in your genes.
Joke 10: Moby Dick’s Dad
What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name? Papa Boner.
Joke 11: Jingle Santa’s Balls
What do you get when you jingle Santa’s balls? A white Christmas.
Joke 12: Closed Brothel
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? “Beat it. We’re closed.”
Joke 13: Dr. Pepper’s Sad Story
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.
Joke 14: Absent Barbie Doll
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box.
Joke 15: Hard and Wet
What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? Gum.
Summary
These jokes are both witty and a bit wicked. Share them with friends to add fun to your day. They cover perverted frogs, strange notes, and more. Enjoy a good laugh!
Sex Jokes for Adults Only
Searching for jokes that are a bit naughty? These adult jokes will make you laugh and blush. They range from clever puns to daring one-liners. Remember, these are only for grown-ups who enjoy adult humor. Get ready for some good laughs!
1. Seducing Nuns
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: You have sex with her.
2. Calorie Burning Marathon
Q: They say sex burns as many calories as running eight miles. Who runs that far in 30 seconds?
3. Lost Sperm
Q: Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because they never stop to ask for directions.
4. Anal vs. Oral
5. Knees of a Sex Worker
Q: What did the sex worker’s knees say to each other?
A: “We hardly ever spend time together.”
6. Penetrating Conversation
Q: What did the penis say to the vagina?
A: “Don’t make me come in there!”
7. A Hundred Twenty Year Olds
Q: What’s great about sex with a hundred twenty year olds?
A: There’s a hundred of them.
8. Prank Calls
Q: How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
A: Call and let her hear it.
9. Flashlight in the Woods
Q: In a dark forest, a man and woman were having sex. The man says, “I wish I had a flashlight!” The woman says, “You’ve been eating grass!”
10. Long-Distance Relationship
Q: What’s the key to a long-distance relationship?
A: I have a huge sex drive. My girlfriend is 40 miles away.
These adult jokes are not for everyone. But they’re perfect for a night of laughs with friends who love bold humor. Remember, only share them with open-minded adults. Enjoy the laughter!
Best Dirty Jokes for Guys
Looking for funny dirty jokes? You’re in the right spot. These jokes will make you laugh harder. So, sit down and get ready for a good time.
1. Two hardened criminals
Two guys stole all the Viagra from a drugstore. The police warned about the two hardened criminals.
2. On the fence
My neighbor was mad at his wife for nude sunbathing. I’m not sure what to think, so I am on the fence.
3. Expert fisherman
What do you call a skilled fisherman? A master baiter.
4. Snowblower surprise
Why did the snowman smile? He saw the snowblower coming.
5. A dictator
Combine a dick and a potato, and you get a dictator.
6. Walruses and Tupperware
Walruses enjoy Tupperware parties. They like finding a tight seal.
7. Santa Claus’ sack
Santa’s big sack is because he visits once a year.
8. Keeping nuts dry
A squirrel swims on its back to keep its nuts dry.
9. The wedding ring
The first thing in a woman after marriage? Her wedding ring.
10. A penguin’s ice cream mishap
A penguin had melted ice cream all over. The mechanic joked it was a seal. The penguin said it was ice cream.
11. Helping Uncle Jack
Would you assist Uncle Jack off his roof if he asked? Help your Uncle Jack off?
12. The quiet rabbits
Why never hear rabbits mating? Because they use cotton balls.
These dirty jokes are perfect for fun times. Share them with friends for a lot of laughs!
Hilarious Bathroom Humor
When it comes to bathroom humor, the fun is endless. Jokes range from puns to clever lines, guaranteed to make you laugh. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the wild humor that will surely tickle your funny bone.
Joke 1
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Together, we can stop this crap.”
Joke 2
What’s different between an oral and rectal thermometer? The taste.
Joke 3
How are men like diapers? They’re full of stuff and disposable too.
Joke 4
Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn’t budget, so he worked with paper and pencil.
Joke 5
How do you make coffee in a toilet? Use a plunger.
Joke 6
How is a boyfriend like a laxative? They both irritate you.
Joke 7
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck.
Joke 8
What did the sanitary napkin say to the fart? “You are the wind beneath my wings.”
Joke 9
Why was the old toilet always flushed? People kept yanking his chain.
Joke 10
How is life like toilet paper? You’re on a roll or taking from others.
Joke 11
What do you call someone who won’t fart in public? A private tutor.
These jokes will bring a smile, even in the bathroom. Comedy is finding joy in the usual, including jokes about the restroom. Remember these jokes for a laugh, no matter where you are.
Funny Dirty Jokes for Adults Only
Want a good laugh? These dirty jokes for adults will make you giggle. They mix funny punchlines with clever wordplay. Make sure you’re with friends who enjoy a bit of risqué humor.
1. Yogurt and Oysters
Why do folks say eating yogurt and oysters is good for your sex life? If you eat those, you’ll eat anything!
2. Pickpockets and Peeping Toms
Here’s a joke: What’s the pickpocket and peeping tom difference? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch!
3. Doctor’s Visit
A man’s at the doctor. The doctor says, “Bad news. You must stop masturbating.”
The man asks, “Why, doc?”
The doctor answers, “Because I’m trying to examine you!”
4. Nearsighted Gynecologist
What’s similar between a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy? They both have a wet nose!
5. Job Application at Hooters
How do you apply for Hooters? They hand you a bra and say, “Fill this out!”
6. Lightbulb Comparison
What’s unlike a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can’t unscrew a pregnant woman!
7. Sex Worker and Drug Dealer
What’s the sex worker and drug dealer difference? A sex worker could wash and resell her crack!
8. Your Penis and a Bonus Check
The difference between your penis and a bonus check? Someone is eager to blow your bonus!
9. Cat’s Dead
Your cat is dead. What now? Play with the neighbor’s kitty instead!
10. Herd of Cows
What’s a group of cows doing something naughty called? Beef strokin’ off!
11. Rubik’s Cube and Penis
How are a penis and a Rubik’s Cube similar? The more you fiddle with it, the harder it gets!
12. Family’s Driving
A family’s driving near a garbage truck. A dildo hits the windshield. The mom says it’s an insect. The son says, “That insect flies pretty well with a cock like that!”
13. Dentist’s Visit
An old lady undresses at the dentist. She says, “Remove my husband’s teeth. You did them last week.” The dentist’s stunned.
14. Kermit the Frog’s Fingers
What smells like bacon and is green and long? Kermit the Frog’s fingers!
15. Let’s Play Carpenter
Wanna play carpenter with me? We’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you!
Dirty Dad Jokes
Who doesn’t love a good dad joke? These dirty dad jokes are not for the faint of heart. They’re perfect for a good laugh. So, sit back and get ready to chuckle!
1. Breaking and Organ
Did you hear about the naked man who broke into a church? The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
2. September Birthdays
If you were born in September, your parents likely celebrated with a bang.
3. A Goodyear
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
4. A Rip-Off
What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.
5. O Brother
What did the O say to the Q? “Dude, your dick’s hanging out.”
6. Negotiating with Terrorists
What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
7. Socks and Sperms
Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
8. Hold On
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? “Hold on.”
9. The Wedding Ring
What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married? The wedding ring.
10. A Sealed Deal
A penguin takes his car to the shop. The mechanic says it’ll take an hour to check. The penguin goes to an ice cream shop while waiting. He gets covered in ice cream. The mechanic says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” The penguin says, “No, it’s just ice cream.”
11. Helping Uncle Jack
If your Uncle Jack needed help down from his roof, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
12. Quiet Rabbits
Why can’t you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls.
There you have it, some dirty dad jokes. They’re great for a laugh with friends. Use them to bring a smile to anyone’s face. Remember, laughter is the best medicine!
Hilarious Miscellaneous Jokes
Seeking a unique laugh? Look here! These jokes are out-of-the-box funny. You’ll find witty one-liners and clever quips. They cover many topics, guaranteeing something for everyone.
1. My mom’s unique parting words
“My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to ‘be positive,’ but it’s tough without her.”
This joke is dark and clever. It plays on the phrase “be positive.”
It adds a bittersweet twist to the speaker’s late mom’s final words.
2. Siri’s unexpected response
“Today, I asked my phone ‘Siri, why am I still single?’ and it activated the front camera.”
This joke is about tech and funny mix-ups. It shows the surprises of using voice assistants.
3. A nostalgic disappointment
“Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst.”
This joke is light-hearted but a bit sad. It’s about expecting warmth but getting a cold shoulder at a childhood place.
4. The paradox of kidney donation
“Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.”
This joke cleverly points out societal views. A single kidney donation is seen as good. But, donate more, and it’s a problem.
5. Unveiling the truth about a partner
“I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not ‘fun to be around.'”
This joke is surprising. It’s about finding out something shocking about a partner online. It defies expectations.
6. Dark humor at its finest
They say dark humor is like food – not everyone understands. For those who do, these jokes are just right.
7. Adrenaline junkies, take note
Think skydiving is a one-time thrill? This joke says you can go twice without a parachute, just daring fun!
8. Problem-solving gone wrong
“The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.”
This joke takes a funny turn. It highlights the speaker’s quirky attempt at solving a problem. But it didn’t go as planned.
9. Turning the tables at family gatherings
“My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, ‘You’ll be next!’ They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.”
This joke cleverly changes the game. The speaker uses humor to tease back at family events. It’s a playful twist on tradition.
10. An unconventional grief counselor
My grief counselor died. His passing doesn’t make me sad. It shows how good he was at his job. Always dedicated!
11. Misfortune in the Big Apple
This joke puts a funny twist on New York City’s crime rate. It humorously discusses a common but sad happening.
12. A funeral faux pas
This joke is about making a mistake at a funeral. It hilariously brings together two similar words with very different meanings.
13. A surprise DNA test result
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?” Dad: “Call me George.”
This joke sets up a serious result. But the punchline is an unexpected joke when the father avoids answering his son directly.
14. Running without a destination
This joke mixes Alzheimer’s and diarrhea into a funny story. It talks about running but then not knowing where you were going.
15. The choice to remain childless
“My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.”
This tongue-in-cheek joke is about choosing not to have kids. It jokingly offers to find a home for kids if someone else wants them.
16. A strategic breakup
This funny story turns a breakup into a humorous tale. It’s about turning a sad situation into something light and playful.
17. Reflecting on a life path
“As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.”
This jokingly suggests that being a tour guide might not have been a good idea. It plays with the concept of “losing” people on a career path.
18. A deadly art critique
“They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.”
This joke is dark and clever. It plays with the idea of laughter and the response to being laughed at.
| Joke | Description |
|---|---|
| Mom’s Blood Type | A dark twist on a dying mother’s repeated request to “be positive.” |
| Siri’s Response | A humorous anecdote about unintended consequences when asking Siri a question. |
| Nostalgic Home Visit | A comical account of being rejected by the current residents of one’s childhood home. |
| Kidney Donations | Highlighting the contrasting reactions to donating one kidney versus multiple kidneys. |
| Wife’s Tinder Profile | An amusing encounter with a spouse’s online dating profile and its questionable claims. |
Conclusion
In conclusion, these hilarious dirty jokes are great for anyone who loves risqué fun. They are filled with grown-up humor and are sure to make you laugh. Whether it’s dirty jokes for women or funny bathroom humor, they all promise a good time.
Even though these jokes aren’t for everyone, they provide something special for those who enjoy adult humor. So, share them with your pals and dive into the amusing world of these premium, rib-tickling jokes.
FAQ
Are these jokes suitable for all audiences?
These jokes are not for everyone. They are made for adults.
Can I share these jokes with my friends?
If your friends like adult humor, you can share these jokes.
Are there any specific topics covered in these jokes?
Sex, relationships, and funny bodily stuff are some of the topics in these jokes.
Are these jokes offensive?
Some people find them offensive, but humor is different for everyone. They do have adult content.
Can I use these jokes in public settings?
Be careful sharing them in public. Make sure they fit the place and the people listening.
Are there any restrictions on the use of these jokes?
Remember to be respectful. Follow the rules about sharing and publishing jokes.
Can I submit my own adult jokes to be featured?
We are glad you want to share, but we can’t take new jokes to show right now.