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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
Stewardess: I'm sorry, Mr. Smith, but we left your wife behind in London. Mr. Smith: Thank goodness! I thought I was going deaf!
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.
I was engaged myself once, to a contortionist. But she broke it off.