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Reasonable Diet Rules


1. If you eat something, and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you eat a candy bar and drink a diet soda with it, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

3. If you fatten-up everyone around you, then you look thinner.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast, honey, and cheesecake.

5. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking a cookie causes calorie leakage.

6. Food licked off spoons and knifes have no calories, if you are preparing something.

7. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.

i.e. : spinach & pistachio ice cream; mushrooms & mashed potatoes.

8. Chocolate is a universal color, and may be substituted for any other food color with zero calorie effect.

9. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.

10. Movie and TV related foods do not contain calories because they are part of an "entertainment package" and are not part of one's regular menu. Examples : buttered popcorn, milk duds, tootsie rolls, Red Hots and non-diet Coke.

11.Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories. This is due because those calories rightfully belong to the other person. Right ?

12.Anything consumed while standing has no calories. Science proves that gravity alters the density of the caloric mass. Right ?

13.When you are stressed, sleepy, nervous or sexy, your body will Not absorb calories. Right?

14.If you are over 40 you should replace old fat cells by eating more calories. This diet technique will protect you from " the old fat cell syndrome ". Right ?

15.Calories don't count. Natural artificial flavoring...Does! ...Right ?