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Woman rushes into her house one morning and yells to her husband, "Sam, pack up your stuff. I just won the lottery!" "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" "Whatever. Just so you're out of the house by noon!"
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
I was married by the judge. I should have asked for a jury!
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
Allen and Gladys were having a heated argument. Finally the wife exclaimed, "I was a fool when I married you!" "I suppose you were," replied Allen, "but I was so horny at the time that I didn't even notice."

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